Sunday, 30 March 2008

Not a beginning, but rather a preparation, seen from the outside as the laboured climb which must be completed in order to begin descent. Borne from the necessary exploration of realms only available through direct experience, preparation begins. Time is - thankfully - running out.

Preparation is folded lengthways down the centre.

On one half is the search for properties, the rending of maps as known articles, predictions of cash-flow and the bitter, ugly teutonic struggle for sway over another language. Manifest as lists of numbers, pencilled arrows and strange swirls above letters, this pursuit soon fills the notebooks lying prone on the desk.

(Often during writing, words appear at the end of ones fingertips or nib. Such words must always be obeyed. One such word in the last paragraph was teutonic. I wrote it, absently reminded of movements, thinking of tectonic plates or of musical scales. Curiosity led me to the dictionary, where it was written that ‘Teutonic’ requires a capital letter and is, of course, used in relation to Germanic peoples. You shall see how relevant that will become.)

The second half is full of a reintroduction to literature. Invigorating literary capacities through novels, obtaining critical works and moving slowly through them, committing notes of interest to paper. Starting to write again, begin that peculiar process to which I always come back with no small amount of reticence and complaint.

The radio in the background, streaming from WFMU (the indecipherable abbreviations of American radio stations!) informs me that the gospel train is at the sinner’s crossroads. Fades of last night’s dream, performing supernatural, improvised theatre in a huge, domed and ancient town hall, ease into view as seamlessly as they disappear. Voices compete between the stacks of books on the desk. Two ideas dominate:

i) The process of obtaining a position of knowledge that allows the writer to retell that which has been told a million times before, and the fantasy that follows.

ii) The weight of a narrative posing as historical inspection.

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